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Oh, wow! Kudos for finding such an original reason to be depressed. Most people are wallowing in self-pity because they can’t pay their bills, or because they can no longer afford to eat. You, on the other hand, are a true thinker, one who’s above the pettiness and the mundane routine of everyday life. You live in the realm of fantasy – brava! May we suggest purchasing a leash, wrapping it around your neck and attaching it to a car’s bumper? Just make sure that the car is about to take off; otherwise, you’ll just look foolish. Let us know how that goes for you, please. That is, if we don’t read about you in the morning paper first.
“I have OCD about wearing black. How can I brighten up my life?”
We have OCD about washing our hands, but your version of the disease is so much more interesting. So, let us get it straight. You get up in the morning, take off your black negligee, shower, and dry yourself using your black towel. Then, you put on your black stockings, black delicates and a black dress. Beautiful and ready, you show up at work and try to look sympathetic, so that the grieving family you’re greeting won’t realize that you’re truly digging the Goth look and aren’t just sporting the latest undertaker fashions. Oh, you’re not an undertaker? Our apologies – not as interesting as we thought. Well, in that case, just stop by your local Kmart and pick up some Jaclyn Smith pieces. You’ll love ‘em, we promise!
“The recession is keeping me up at night. My husband tells me I have to cut back on spending, but I’m anxious about spending on a budget. Can I still look chic while buying cheap?”
Funny you should mention recession. I have been hearing that word everywhere nowadays. If your husband is telling you to cut back, then by all means, cut back listening to him and go on a shopping spree. After all, the word recession is so similar to the word recess – they are basically the same thing, n’est pas? Yes, take a recess – you deserve it. If the husband can no longer swing Saks Fifth Avenue, don’t turn your nose up to such worthy alternatives as Neiman Marcus or Barney’s New York. Either one will do. But, it’s really all about preference. If walking around the store is a bother, consider your options. For instance, Nordstrom offers a wonderful service – you just meet with a lovely lady, who would otherwise be unemployed, tell her your clothing faux pas and thrills, and she chooses a brand new wardrobe for you. See? You feel great and do a great deed for humanity! The little sales girl makes a mint on commission; the designer sells his collection, and the store profits. Recession shmesession.
You don’t believe me that these are real questions? Think I made them up? I wish. Check out these Bazaar reader inquiries and more here. Oh, just don’t be disappointed by Karl Lagerfield’s answers. He’s not nearly as witty as I am. ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves
