Sunday, July 05, 2009

What I’ve learned over the Fourth of July weekend

- When a six-year-old carries an egg that’s sitting on a plastic spoon that’s dangling from his mouth, the said egg will break sooner rather than later.
- MIT graduates are geekier than you realized, even if you were already completely convinced of their supreme geekdom. They’re very fun, nevertheless. Oh, and you’ll learn all kinds of useless information you can pass on to your kids. Like… sorry, can’t remember.
- Men cannot hula hoop. At all. (Those who can look so foolish, they wish they couldn’t.)
- Trader Joe’s has the best vegetarian burgers. They’re called Masala. Mmmmm…asala.
- Don’t tell your mother-in-law your chicken recipe because she’ll steal it and tell everyone else. Now they all know to marinate the meat in Ken’s Steakhouse ranch dressing. Full fat.
- It’s not a good idea to drive around Boston at midnight on July 4th. The speed of the car (après fireworks) will be about .5 miles an hour.
- Kids are really cranky when they don’t get into bed until 2 a.m.
- Parents are even crankier when those same kids wake them up at 6:28 a.m.
- It’s an even worse idea to place your BlackBerry in your sweatshirt pocket. Although, the speed of the car (while driving back to Boston the next day to retrieve the lost phone from a kindly Portuguese woman) will be about 65 miles an hour.
- Hasidic women let their multiple female babies roam on the playground unsupervised, while they play baseball with their sons in the adjoining field. As a result, their babies are well-behaved and accident-free. And, they recognize the ice cream truck’s music at 1 and a half years old. Now, how’s that for early development?!
- Certain Russian women watch their kids’ every move. As a result, their children have more bruises than a week-old pear and more cuts than a birch tree.
- Curious children will gladly eat cucumbers when offered by Hasidic women. Those same children will always refuse the said cucumbers when offered by spiritual yet agnostic mothers.

- Being a stay-at-home mother is much harder than going to the office. Especially, when your husband is away on a business trip. Even though it’s more rewarding, you will still miss working. You’ll start to resent the glances of high-heeled business women at Whole Foods who run into the store during their lunch break to pick up some low-fat chicken. Or maybe, they’re glancing because they’re jealous, not condescending? Or, is it possible that they’re not glancing at you at all, but are only trying to see the price tag on those organic apples your kid’s head is blocking? Who knows? But, you’ll still feel crappy. Because you’re wearing clogs and jeans, and your hair is in a ponytail. Because you’ll be wondering whether those women are judging you and seeing you as someone who “aspires to be kept”. Because you don’t.


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