How to make money

So, while I am not a packrat by any means, I do have a really hard time parting with books. Even with textbooks. Even with moral Christian theology textbooks. Yes, I know, I too think it’s funny that I ended up in Catholic institutions – both for college and graduate school. But, we’ll let that one slide. God works in mysterious ways.

Back to the point. Recently, I realized that no matter how many triple (or even quadruple) rows of books I create on every one of my five shelves, two of which have been relegated to the attic (yes, I cried, but the kids did need a place to sleep), I still don’t have enough space to store all of my literature. So, I did what any smart person would do – I bought some more books. As soon as the last feather had broken the horse’s back, I knew that the time had come to rid my tired shelves of various dreck masterpieces that I have never no longer cared for.




I admit that the process was more “natural selection” than “Sophie’s choice” – come on, did E. think that I was going to keep the Biochemistry textbook he bought on a yard sale one summer, exclaiming to everyone’s amusement, “Oh, this would make a great coffee table book!”? To his credit, he did use it as his bathroom reading (that was the only place I allowed it to be displayed in). The hefty volume kept falling off our windowsill for six months or so, until I explained to E. that the great book is getting destroyed in the humid bathroom, and found a really cozy spot for it right next to his eighteen chess books and eleven music books on one of the attic shelves.

Back to the point. So, I performed the equivalent of the Yom Kippur fast. But, instead of purging my body of toxins, I purged my shelves of unwanted books. Let me tell you – it was not always easy. The ones I struggled with the most were the literature compilations donated by my college professors (they used to place the books they no longer wanted outside their office doors with notes that said something along the lines of, really old teaching manuals I didn’t have the heart to throw out, Free Books, and guess who would usually pick them up? Yes, yours truly. I always felt exhilarated and confused at the same time – am I happy because I’m getting something for free or because I’m getting books? I guess I will never know. But, come on, how many Flannery O’Connor short stories does one need in multiples? So, in the box they went. Here, I must take a moment and offer some props to E. who insists that we keep every Amazon box we receive in our basement, just in case we might need to send something later. Or store a dismembered body somewhere.

Back to the point. So, I ended up with a bunch of boxes I was going to donate to Salvation army. But, then, I thought to myself – poor people don’t care about Michel Foucault, you dumbass! They want food. And clothes. And … well, not dusty literary theory (crap) philosophy I had to take in grad school. Why would I do that to them – they’re already poor! So, then I thought – hey, I’m poor too – I’ve been unemployed since May! Why not make some money? And so I did.
Now, since I’m lazy, I didn’t want to start selling my books one by one on sites like Amazon and half.com (does that still exist?). I wanted it all at once (yes, I’m one of those people). So, I did what any slothful person would do – that’s right, I googled “sell books”. To my astonishment, I found a myriad of sites that cater to that easy-solution notion. All you have to do is make a list of all of your books’ ISBN numbers (usually found on the back of the cover, sometimes on the first few pages), save that list in a Word document, and use it over and over to paste it into various sites, some of which take books that others don’t. Trust me, creating this list will save you a lot of time. Then, about thirty seconds after you hit the button that says, Sell Books, the site will let you know which of your books are winners and which are rejects.

All you have to do is complete the transaction by specifying how you want them to reimburse you (deposit, check or PayPal) and print out a free address label, which you will affix to the aforementioned Amazon box, remembering to remove the previous address label beforehand. Finita la comedia. Drop off the package at your local post office, and sit back. That’s all there is to it. I’ve already received two of the three expected payments. Only one of my books was rejected. Guess which one? Yes, the moral theology – the reason they gave me was – too much underlining and highlighting. So, don’t accuse me of never giving this mambo jumbo religion thing a shot. Now you know I did.

This post is a great excuse to listen to some more Cabaret tunes, n'est pas?

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